Big Picture’s posterous

NICE !

The world’s most powerful four-door?

 

63 vette split rear window?  

enough burled wood for ya?

odd profile

Photos: Bugatti

via Classic Driver

Dear MR BAGGINS, Fellow Conspirator,

I am Thorin Oakenshield, descendant of Thrain the Old and grandson of Thror who was King under the Mountain. I am writing you to discuss our plans, our ways, means, policy and devices for rescuing our treasure from the dragon Smaug.

During the reign of Thror our kingdom was a prosperous one. Kings used to send for our smiths, and reward even the least skillful most richly. Fathers would beg us to take their sons as apprentices, and pay us handsomely, especially in food-supplies, which we never bothered to grow or find for ourselves. Altogether those were good days for us, and the poorest of us had money to spend and to lend, and leisure to make beautiful things just for the fun of it, not to speak of the most marvellous and magical toys, the like of which is not to be found in the world now-a-days.

Undoubtedly that was what brought the dragon. Dragons steal gold and jewels from men and elves and dwarves, wherever they can find them; and they guard their plunder as long as they live (which is practically for ever, unless they are killed), and never enjoy a brass ring of it. There was a most specially greedy, strong and wicked worm called Smaug. One day he flew up into the air and came south. The dragon settled on our mountain in a spout of flame and routed out all the halls, and lanes, and tunnels, alleys, cellars, mansions and passages. After there were no dwarves left alive inside the mountain he took all their wealth for himself.

In view of this, I received your contact through a friend and counselor, an ingenious wizard, who noted you as a Burglar who wants a good job, plenty of Excitement and reasonable Reward. And I and my twelve companions have agreed to give you 10% of the total gold and jewels that the dragon Smaug now rests upon if you can join us on our long journey. When you have agreed please tell us the place where you dwell and send one hundred pence so that we might travel to you.

Please hold what I have told you in strict confidence and I look forward to your earliest response.

THORIN OAKENSHIELD

http://granades.com/2009/09/24/hobbit-419/

It's great to be rich, but fame is a bitch. So your primary mission is to claim the money without divulging your identity or having a mental breakdown. Here's how to do it:

1. Don't tell anyone. The single most important rule for maintaining sanity after winning the lottery is: Do everything you can to keep your precious anonymity intact. Of course that means keeping your goddamned mouth shut. Don't share the news with your friends, neighbors, coworkers, or family. Resist even the urge to tell your spouse or significant other, at least for the time being. Otherwise you will have forever blown your one chance at being anonymous. You can always spill the beans later, after all the excitement has died down.
2. Don't sign the ticket. After you write your name on that ticket, you might as well call up and announce the news to your local TV stations and newspapers. Remember that the state lottery commission will publicize the identity of every claimant. Toss the ticket into a clean Ziploc bag (to avoid spills, etc.) and temporarily stash it someplace away from excessive heat, sunlight, pets, children, roommates, coworkers, etc. Make sure it's someplace safe that you won't forget.

3. Act casual. Maintain your normal routine. Continue to attend work, school, church, social functions, etc. Whatever's typical for you. When people ask you what's up, refer to rule number one.
4. Make a few photocopies. At your earliest opportunity, take a trip to a 24-hour Kinko's around 2am when nobody's around and make six copies of the ticket, both front and back. Use one of the self-serve machines and take any and all bad copies with you (i.e. leave none in the trash). And before you leave, doublecheck to make sure you didn't leave the original in the machine.
5. Rent a safe-deposit box. Contact your bank and see if they have any vacant safe deposit boxes, tell them you're going on a trip and need to store some documents for a few months. Make a point of asking them how much it costs, even though you couldn't care less. You're trying to keep up appearances. When you go down to the bank in person to open your box, you will probably need some ID and your bank card. Bring the ticket, along with some other (fake) papers. Don't show them the ticket, obviously. Loose lips sink ships. Stash the ticket in the box and put the box key on your keyring. Don't lose the key.
6. Open a blind trust. Hire a tax attorney. Once you're a client, the lawyer is legally bound to maintain your confidentiality. Tell them you want to open a blind trust in order to claim the lottery prize as an anonymous trustee. Provide three photocopies of your ticket. All contact with the lottery commission will be made through your lawyer.
7. Contact a financial planner. Rich people don't tend to stay that way without a little planning. If you have the choice between annual payments and a single large payout, you should consider the big jackpot. It's less money total, but it's probably about the same as the annuity if you take the lump sum and invest it in interest-bearing savings bonds. However, the single large payout may incur a higher tax rate. Ask your tax experts.
8. Tie up any financial loose ends. No reason to procrastinate now. Pay all those traffic fines and parking tickets. Catch up on alimony or child support payments. Settle any debts. Instruct your financial planner to scrub those black marks off your credit score, but don't cancel your credit cards -- that'll screw up your rating. And don't think it won't matter anymore. It matters.
9. Draft or update your last will and testament. If there were ever a time for estate planning, it's now. Be sure to remember us by including The Rotten Codicil in your will.
10. Move away. And not just out of town. We're talking out of state, possibly out of the country. You can't expect to keep a lid on your secret forever; information wants to be free. Maybe buy a modest house with a good alarm system in a gated community with a private security force. That ought to minimize the solicitors at your door. Also be sure to get an unlisted phone number.

Source: 

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY,
AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:

 1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

 2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

 3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

 4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

 5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS
 WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

  6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN,
 "WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT
 WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

 7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

 8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

 9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF,
  IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

 10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

 11.. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

 12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

 13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

 14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

 15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

 16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

 17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

 18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE
  RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

 19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

 20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

 21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

 22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS, THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

 23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

 24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

 25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

 26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

 27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

 28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

 29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

 30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF
  "ASSTEROIDS"?

 31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

 32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

 33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES,
  DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?

 34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?